If I Knew You Were Coming I'd Have Baked a Cake
by Mako Headrush
Summary: Another Cloud/Reno two-shot. It's Reno's birthday, and Cloud decides to decorate a birthday cake for him. Reno, however, has his own ideas for frosting usage.  Rated T for now, may be upgraded to M if necessary in next chapter.  Yaoi, CloudxReno
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Another Cloud/Reno two-shot. It's Reno's birthday, and Cloud decides to decorate a birthday cake for him. Reno, however, has his own ideas for frosting usage.**

**Setting: AC. Cloud and Reno are shacked up, living in sin and whatnot. Woo hoo! :)**

**Rated T for now, may be upgraded to M if necessary after the next chapter.**

**Warnings: language, mild drug reference, yaoi**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, Square Enix does, this is written for fun. But I do own a LOT of cake decorating supplies. :)**

* * *

It was Reno's birthday next week, and this year, Cloud decided to try decorating a birthday cake for Reno. He figured it wouldn't be much harder than baking and frosting a pan full of brownies, which he'd done plenty of. Still, Cloud felt it couldn't hurt to take a few cake decorating classes.

So, Cloud signed up for a handful of introductory cake decorating classes at the local culinary school in Edge. He went during the day, in between deliveries, trying to keep the whole enterprise a secret from Reno, as he wanted to surprise him with a perfectly decorated cake on his birthday. Cloud had visions of wowing Reno with a masterpiece similar to the ones they had seen on some of the cooking channels.

Cloud took to the basic steps in cake decorating like a pro. He soon discovered that homemade frosting was so much better than the store-bought crap in a can, and learned about different types of frostings, fillings, meringues, and fondants. Soon, he had moved beyond the basics, and attempted some more intricate decorating, using the pastry bag and decorating tips. It finally came time for the last class, and by that point, Cloud was confident enough in his abilities to feel that he would be able to make and decorate a rather nice cake for Reno's birthday.

The next dilemma was deciding what kind of cake to make for Reno. Cloud knew that anything traditional and flowery was SO not Reno, and he nixed those ideas immediately. It would have to be…something fun, something funky. Something…modern, and untraditional. Cloud was sitting on the couch one night, snuggled next to Reno watching television, when the idea hit him. It was, quite literally, staring him right in the face.

A bong. It was sitting in front their coffee table, like some sort of showpiece. And it wasn't just any bong – it was actually a hookah. A really _big _hookah, that Reno was quite proud of. He had purchased it in Wutai, and it was modeled after Leviathan.

Reno was starting to snore and nod off on the couch, so Cloud carefully extricated himself from the sleepy Turk, and crept over to study the hookah a bit more closely. _I can do this_, Cloud thought confidently.

"Snaafk?" Reno snorted, as he began to wake up. He patted the seat next to him, blindly feeling around for the warm body that had been there just moments before. "Cloud?" he mumbled, slowly opening his eyes and looking around.

"Over here, Reno," Cloud answered, heading back toward the couch, and sitting down next to Reno, resting his head on the Turk's shoulder. "Have a good nap?"

"Yeah, just a catnap, yo," Reno replied, kissing Cloud on the forehead. "Were you just lighting up the hookah or something?"

"Um, n-o," Cloud stammered, turning slightly red. "I was…just looking at it."

Reno regarded Cloud suspiciously. "Really, now? You sure you weren't just sneaking some weed without telling me, were you?" he teased, smiling.

"I didn't!" Cloud protested, trying to distract Reno by moving up, and sitting so that he was straddling his lap. "You know I'd share with you, Reno," he whispered, as he gently grazed Reno's lips with his own, then teased them apart with his tongue, kissing him.

"Mmm," Reno growled appreciatively, running his hands up along Cloud's lean back. "So, you know it's my birthday next week…"

"Is it really?" Cloud replied coyly, grinning. "I had no idea!"

"Shut up. Ass," Reno said, smirking, as he pulled Cloud closer. "I was just thinking…maybe we could just go out to eat that night or something. Sushi, maybe."

"That sounds good, Reno," Cloud replied, nuzzling wetly into his neck, eliciting an ecstatic moan from the Turk. "But what about…a birthday cake?" he asked hesitantly, trying to gauge Reno's interest.

"Hmm," Reno murmured, considering this. "I think…I'd like to have a Cloud cake," he said finally.

"Huh?" Cloud asked as he looked up at Reno, sounding puzzled. "A…what?"

"A Cloud cake," Reno repeated. "I wanna cover you from head to toe with frosting, and lick it all off," he whispered, leering at Cloud.

Cloud swallowed audibly. "Oh," he said weakly. "That could be…nice." He made a mental note to make a quadruple batch of buttercream frosting over the weekend.

* * *

**In the next chapter: All that delicious frosting...mmm, yummy. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Warnings for this chapter: lemon, rimming, language. And extreme sappiness. :)**

**_

* * *

_**

_The road to hell is paved with good intentions._

Cloud was beginning to realize the truth behind that saying. Despite his great success in cake decorating class, when it came time for Reno's birthday, one thing occurred that Cloud hadn't counted on; a heat wave of epic proportions that rolled through greater metropolitan Midgar/Edge, just days before Reno's birthday. Cloud was quickly discovering that buttercream frosting, plus one-hundred degree temperatures, equaled a melting mess.

He was growing frantic. Reno was expected to be gone all day on a mission with Rude, and Cloud was using that time, on his day off, to decorate Reno's cake - the masterpiece he'd envisioned in his mind's eye. He'd mix up a batch of frosting, and apply it to the cake, only to have it quickly melt and go running down the sides. Figuring the frosting needed to cool off a bit, Cloud stuck the leftover buttercream into the refrigerator.

And then he took a nap. When Cloud woke up, all of the remaining frosting had hardened into cement in the refrigerator.

He looked at the clock. _Shit_, he thought, pissed at himself_. I slept away the entire afternoon, and all I have to show for my efforts…is a cake covered with melted frosting. _Reno would be home soon, and Cloud was feeling utterly dejected that he had failed. He decided to go to the liquor store and buy a really expensive bottle of Reno's favorite scotch. _Hopefully he'll drink so much he won't notice that monstrosity of a cake,_ Cloud thought despondently, as he ran out to the store to buy the bottle of scotch.

When Cloud returned, he spent the rest of the afternoon moping and sulking over his failed effort. What kind of a boyfriend was he, that he couldn't decorate a fucking cake? Why was it so much easier just a week before?

_The weather_, Cloud thought, sighing. _It's too damned hot in here, even with the air conditioning on._ He looked at the bottle of scotch he'd bought for Reno, cradling it in his arms, as he sunk down tiredly into the sofa. _Hmpf_, he snorted, pouting. _Hopefully this will be a good enough gift. Reno deserves more than booze and melted cake frosting._ Leaning back on the sofa, Cloud laid his head back; the heat, and need for sleep, soon overtook him, as he dozed off yet again.

* * *

It had been a horrid mission day with Rude, and the only thing Reno wanted to do when he got home, was to pop open a cold one, and possibly get a foot massage from Cloud. _Or, even more than a foot massage_, he thought, grinning, as he put his key in the lock.

Opening the door, Reno was greeted with complete silence; he knew Cloud had the day off, and expected to hear the television, or some music going, at the very least. _Maybe he went out for a ride on Fenrir_, Reno thought, a bit disappointed that Cloud wouldn't have waited for him.

"Cloud?" Reno called, into the silence. No answer. Where could he be?

Reno made a beeline for the refrigerator, and grabbed a bottle of his favorite microbrew, popping the cap off with one hand. Placing the bottle to his lips, he took a swig, and felt some of the day's stress instantly melt away. "Ahh," he murmured. It suddenly occurred to him that the kitchen was...well, a disaster. There was a cake carved into some strange, phallic shape, and decorating bags half-full of frosting strewn all over the kitchen island. _What the hell happened in here? _Reno wondered. He shrugged his shoulders indifferently, and decided to watch some television while waiting for Cloud to return from wherever he was.

Entering the living room, Reno suddenly realized that Cloud _was_ actually there - dead asleep on the couch, with a bottle of twenty-five year old Mideel single malt clutched in his arms. Reno chuckled at the sight, and felt his heart melt a little bit; he knew the scotch had to be meant for him as a birthday present, as Cloud knew it was his favorite.

He sat down by Cloud's feet, not wanting to wake him too suddenly. "Baby, you 'wake?" Reno whispered, as he gently rubbed Cloud's legs. A single eye opened and glared up at Reno. Recognition set in, as Cloud's glare turned into a smile. "Hey," Cloud said softly, as he yawned. "Shit. I fell asleep again. The heat makes me sleepy." Looking down at the bottle he was holding, Cloud chuckled, and handed it over to Reno as he sat up. "Um, this is for you. Happy birthday, baby." He gave Reno a soft kiss, as they touched foreheads, pausing tenderly for a moment.

"Thanks, babe. You always know what I like!" Reno replied gratefully, kissing Cloud in return. "Love you."

"Love you, too," Cloud said, hugging Reno. He suddenly frowned. "Well...there was supposed to be something else, another present...but I completely and utterly fucked it up. Really pissed at myself, too," Cloud complained.

"Why? What happened?" Reno asked, leaning back on the couch, as Cloud stretched his legs across Reno's lap.

"That...mess, in the kitchen. That's all my doing. Obviously," Cloud explained, sheepishly. "I...took some cake decorating classes, and I was trying to make this really awesome cake for your birthday...but the frosting got all melty, because of the heat wave." He felt himself blushing, and looked away from Reno's gaze, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"You...you did all that for me?" Reno asked Cloud, suddenly feeling a bit emotional. "Gods, Cloud. Have I told you lately, how much I love you? I didn't do anything for _your_ birthday, except take you out to dinner!" Reno moaned.

"It's been a few minutes since you last told me," Cloud replied coyly, smirking. "But I don't mind hearing it repeatedly. And as far as my birthday, as I recall...I got a lot more than a nice dinner. I couldn't _walk _for a fucking week!" he said, giggling.

"Oh," Reno muttered, blushing slightly and grinning. "Yeah. I remember that." He drained his beer, and placed the empty bottle on the coffee table. "Come here," he ordered Cloud, who crept over to Reno; and, facing him, straddled his lap.

"What do you want?" Cloud asked Reno, teasingly, wrapping his arms around the Turk's neck.

"You," Reno replied simply, his mouth just centimeters away from Cloud's, their lips barely teasing each other. "All I want is you." Reno tightened his arms around Cloud's back, as he nuzzled into his lover's neck, brushing his lips tenderly against warm flesh. "Mmm," Cloud groaned appreciatively.

"Oh...but, wait a minute," Reno murmured, interrupting his attack on Cloud's neck for the moment. He regarded Cloud with a cocky grin, and a mischievous look about him. "Got any frosting left over?"

Shrugging his shoulders - and completely missing Reno's intentions and innuendo – Cloud replied indifferently. "Yeah, there's a shitload. But it's no good for spreading on a cake, I told you - it got all runny, because it's too hot in here. Then I put some in the refrigerator, and it got too hard..."

"Speaking of hard..." Reno murmured, as he ground himself up into Cloud, eliciting a gasp. "And maybe I want to spread the frosting on something _other _than a cake. Remember when I told you I wanted a Cloud cake?" he continued, grinning cheekily.

"Oh," Cloud replied, feeling his cheeks grow hot. "I...um, do remember you saying that, yeah." He chuckled. "So, um...there's a lot of it. Frosting, I mean."

"Good," Reno replied, gathering Cloud up in his arms, and carrying him to the kitchen. "You know...you're kind of heavy, yo," he quipped, giggling.

"What...where are you...what are you _doing_, Reno? Put me down!" Cloud protested, pouting.

"Sorry," Reno murmured, as he sat Cloud on the kitchen countertop. "This it?" he asked Cloud, motioning over to a mixing bowl full of buttercream frosting.

"Yes," Cloud replied, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at Reno. "And there's more in the refrigerator."

"Oh, _good_," Reno murmured seductively, as he pulled Cloud toward him for a spontaneous kiss, then set about to rifle through the refrigerator. "How the fuck did I not see this before?" he muttered, as he removed a giant bowl of frosting from the refrigerator.

"Probably because you were focused on your beer," Cloud cracked. He sat upright on the countertop, letting his legs dangle. Cloud didn't know whether to be annoyed, or amused, when Reno carried him, as if he were some petite princess, into the kitchen…the bedroom…wherever. _Shut the fuck up and enjoy it,_ Cloud told himself, smiling. _It always ends well, doesn't it? _He grinned as he recalled the last time Reno 'romantically' carried him upstairs, practically tripping up the staircase as he did so. They had ended up in bed, of course, in what Reno later termed "an all-day fuck-a-thon."

"What are you grinning at?" Reno asked Cloud curiously, smiling himself.

"Nothing," Cloud murmured. "Well…just remembering the last time you carried me somewhere, like I was some sort of rag doll," he teased. "Flung me over your shoulder, like I was some helpless female." Cloud laughed softly.

"Oh…that was on Valentine's day, right?" Reno remembered, smiling. He had the bowl of frosting cradled in his arms, and was stirring it up with a spatula. "Well…you definitely ain't female," he growled, "and you're anything but helpless. I don't know what gets into me, Cloud," Reno confessed, smiling as he dabbed a bit of frosting on Cloud's nose. "When I'm around you…I just want to ravage you. But…it's not just the sex, you know," he said, as he licked the bit of frosting off of Cloud's nose.

"No," Cloud murmured in agreement. "It's not just that. Although the sex _is_ fucking great." The two laughed together, as Reno pulled Cloud – still seated on the countertop – over to him, in a tight embrace.

"I want my cake," Reno whispered into Cloud's ear, his steamy breath teasing an earlobe. "And I want to eat it too."

"Yeah?" Cloud replied, gazing up at Reno under half-lidded eyes. _Bedroom eyes_, Reno thought. _Damn him._

"So," Cloud continued, as he slowly moved to peel off of his shirt. Pulling the garment over his head, he let it fall to the floor without looking. "You want a piece of me, Reno?" he asked, grinning cheekily.

Reno swallowed audibly, as he felt himself grow instantly hard. "Yeah," he whispered, gazing slack-jawed into Cloud's Mako blue eyes. "Yeah, I do want…a piece of you." Removing a frosting-laden spatula from the mixing bowl, Reno swabbed a generous dollop in the dent above Cloud's collarbone, and immediately attacked it with his tongue. "Delicious," he murmured, in between licks. Cloud leaned his head back, moaning appreciatively.

"What's delicious…me, or the frosting?" Cloud inquired innocently, chuckling softly.

"You…the frosting…hell, both. But mostly _you_," Reno babbled, as he ground himself against Cloud, and the countertop. "Fuck, Cloud," he groaned, trailing his fingers up Cloud's now-bared back. "I want to do this…" he murmured.

"Not here," Cloud said decisively. "Too messy…I haven't cleaned the counter yet. Hmm," he murmured, considering. Cocking his head, he regarded Reno, and blurted: "Kitchen table?"

Reno stared at Cloud for what felt like several minutes, mouth hanging open in disbelief. "Y..y…yeah," he stammered. "Yeah! Kitchen table it is," he crowed. Grinning slyly at Cloud, Reno asked him, "Want me to carry you?"

"I think I can manage this time, Reno," Cloud replied, grinning. "Besides…you have to carry that big-ass bowl of frosting, I guess." 

"Oh yeah," Reno murmured, chuckling. "I'll be needing that." He hoisted the large mixing bowl into his arms, throwing several filled decorating bags on top, and headed over to the kitchen table...where Cloud was lying on his back, removing his shirt. If Reno hadn't already been hard, this surely would've turned him into a redwood.

Cloud then slowly and purposefully leaned back on the table, knowing the slower he moved, the crazier it'd drive Reno. He was right – Reno nearly dropped the bowl of frosting as he advanced toward the kitchen table. "Sweet fucking Shiva, Cloud," he whispered. "Making it hard for me to walk, yo."

"Sorry," Cloud said, grinning cheekily. "But not really."

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Reno replied, setting the bowl of frosting down on one of the kitchen chairs. "Damn you, Cloud," the Turk muttered, as he slithered his body on top of Cloud's, grinding into him. "You know you drive me insane," he whispered, as he ran his tongue along Cloud's collarbone, then his jawbone.

"I…could…say the same thing…about you," Cloud gasped. "Fuck, Reno!"

"Maybe later," Reno said teasingly. "First, I want my cake." He grabbed a frosting-laden spatula from the mixing bowl, and slathered a dollop on Cloud's chest, dead center. Reno kneeled in between Cloud's opened legs, and moved his head down, slowly licking off the frosting. Cloud moaned in response, bending his legs upward, as he attempted to wrap them around Reno. "Not yet, babe," Reno whispered, as he reached over for the spatula once more. He applied more frosting; this time a bit lower, on his abs. Gripping the waist of Cloud's pants, Reno lowered his head again, and attacked the frosting with his tongue, slipping his hands inside the pants, feeling Cloud's hardness within. Knowing how ready Cloud was caused Reno's groin to twitch in eager anticipation.

"Fucking pants," Reno growled, as he sat up briefly. "Need these off, yo." He made quick work of Cloud's belt and pants, sliding them off of slim hips, and tossing them to the floor.

"Now," Reno breathed, a glint in his eye, as he grabbed a giant fistful of frosting, and slathered it all over Cloud's shaft. "Holy shit, Reno," Cloud gasped. The frosting was still slightly cool from being in the refrigerator, but was quickly coming to room temperature; once it hit Cloud's flesh, his body heat made it warm up quickly.

"Hmm, I'd better clean this up fast, yo," Reno observed, grinning. He teased the head of Cloud's cock with his tongue and the roof of his mouth, slowly and torturously lapping up the frosting. Cloud groaned and arched his back, instinctively thrusting himself upward into Reno's mouth. "Sh-sh-Shiva's left tit," cursed Cloud.

Reno paused in his ministrations to laugh. "Damn, Cloud," he commented dryly. "I don't think I've ever inspired that level of profanity from you before."

"Bastard," Cloud retorted. "Finish…what you started. Please. Before I come all over your face. Or…this table."

"Yeah…looks like I missed a bit of frosting here," Reno murmured, as he grabbed another handful of frosting, and slathered it over Cloud's balls. "And here, too," he said, grinning, as he dabbed frosting up in Cloud's ass. He dove in, taking each testicle in his mouth slowly, holding it there while his tongue teased and licked clean the surface, and repeated the process on the other one.

"Now," Reno murmured. "Time for dessert."

Cloud raised a curious eyebrow. "I thought….this was _all_ dessert?"

"Nah," Reno replied casually. "_This_ is dessert." He stabbed his tongue into Cloud's ass, devouring the frosting that was there, as he plowed in even deeper with his tongue, sending shock waves to Cloud's brain.

"Fuck, Reno," Cloud gasped. "I think I'm going to pass out." The Turk removed himself from Cloud, and grinned down at his lover. "Well, we can't have _that_, yo."

"Ride me, Reno," Cloud begged, practically whimpering. "Please."

"I thought you'd never ask," Reno quipped, giggling. He quickly unbuckled and removed his pants, and got on top of the kitchen table, straddling Cloud. "Who knew," Reno panted, his breath coming in short gasps as he positioned himself over Cloud's cock, "that frosting doubles as lube?"

"I guess we know now," Cloud whispered, moaning as Reno thrust down upon him, riding him in a frenzy. Reno placed his hands on the table, framing Cloud's face, as he continued to ride him.

"I wanna sit up," Cloud mumbled, moving himself up on the table. Gripping the edges of the table with his hands, Cloud slammed himself upward into Reno, who threw his head back with a harsh cry, as he fisted his own cock, pumping furiously. "So close, Cloud…I'm so close," he stammered.

"Yeah," Cloud replied robotically. "Oh, Ifrit's fucking ballsac!" he moaned, as he felt himself release, with Reno climaxing shortly thereafter. Cloud lay himself back down on the table, cradling Reno to his chest. They were both satiated and sticky with buttercream frosting.

"Well," Reno said, finally breaking the silence. "That was the best fucking birthday cake I've ever had. Thank you, baby." He kissed Cloud tenderly on the lips, smiling at him.

Cloud grinned. "But…technically, we didn't eat _cake_, Reno. Just frosting."

"Whatever, Cloud," Reno retorted, rolling his eyes. "I want _this_ kind of cake for my birthday every year from now on. And _your_ birthday…and Valentine's day…and Christmas…"

"Okay, I get it, Reno," Cloud interrupted, laughing. "I suppose I can manage to fuck up a cake again, if I really had to…"

Reno continued, "…and New Year's…maybe even our wedding cake, yo."

"Our _what_?" Cloud blurted, as his eyes widened.

"Oops," Reno replied sheepishly. "That, uh…kind of slipped out. But I've been thinking about it, you know."

Cloud lay there, speechless for a moment. Finally, he sat up with Reno, and cupped his chin. "I'd say yes, Reno. I would." He kissed Reno softly, waiting for a reaction to his words.

"You…wh…what….you mean you'd…" Reno was suddenly having trouble with his tongue and the ability to form complete sentences.

He cleared his throat. Try this again. "Cloud Strife…will you marry me?" he asked, feeling his bottom lip tremble slightly. _Do not cry. Do not fucking cry!_

Cloud felt his own eyes beginning to water as he answered. "Yes, I will. There's never been anyone for me but you…I love you, Reno."

"I…I love you too," Reno replied, clutching Cloud in a heated embrace. They kissed each other slowly and languorously; they could still taste vanilla frosting on each other's lips, yet somehow, it seemed to taste even sweeter than it had just moments before.


End file.
